CRIES TO YOU

GOD'S WILL.

it has always been in my head.
but submitting to it....
A struggle it is, to be completely resigned.
But, i am now. Resigned to Him.
I cling on to him, tighter than how i hug my bolster when asleep.

A flashback:
"do you know that you are always spaced out and blur?"
"lazy you, don't you know how precious my time is?"
"I am not like you, everything i do has to be done well and efficiently."
Perhaps it is only to her that i am this way.
Whatever she says about me, doesn't appear to be what i think about myself.
Or am i just being unaware?
What is it i have to do to show her that i care about my own life?

"Don't tell me you have no plans to go to the University at all?"
"Please, at least show your father that you can be of use even with only me supporting you."
I know! i want to show him that too!
I want to be a useful person!
I have goals!
Perhaps just invisible to your eyes...


A Penny for My Thoughts:
This road i am walking, is a winding path, paved with clods and muck. The vision is nothing but thick mist, but the destination revealed would be Paradise, i am sure.
I realise, it's all about just fighting on.
That willpower, that determination. That focus on the finishing line.
That surrendered heart, to heed GOD'S WILL.

Everyday Father, i cry out to you.
Full of pleas, full of requests for forgiveness.
You forgive me,
but my sins are repeated.
Everyday Father, i extend my hands to you.
Reaching for help, clinging on.
You save me,
again and again.
Everyday Father, I live my life for you,
Struggling, striving to be perfect like you.
You watch me,
perfecting the plan you have for me.

I Love You.


"Perfecting Holiness"