CLUELESS

OVERWHELMED
UNCERTAIN
CONFUSED
TIRED
DEJECTED

Why does it happen again and again?
all the (s'rehtom) rambles about my studies, my future and blah...
when i am TRYING!

Why do people get so paranoid?
Look, i am striving so hard to walk God's way.
Perhaps they meant well... but..

Why is life just so difficult?
MY work just makes me want to rip my brains out.
The amount of things to balance, people i have to face and chores i have to fulfill.
It's overflowing.

Why is it that i am in such a dire state of life?
Nothing seems to be working out in my studies.
IT's so difficult to be an example in church.
Being a student who shines in school isn't any easier.
Now, where is my willpower?

So much for the WHYs...
I've casted them away.
i know how pointless it is to be leading a WHY-ful life.
But yes, these thoughts just brushed pass my head, to be honest.
But hey, Fiona really is learning to be a Fighter.
Not some street-fighter fighter..
But a fighter who clothes myself on in God's armour.
=D

OPTIMISTIC
FAITHFUL
MOTIVATED
ZEALOUS
FOCUSED
DISCIPLINED
GRATEFUL

CRIES TO YOU

GOD'S WILL.

it has always been in my head.
but submitting to it....
A struggle it is, to be completely resigned.
But, i am now. Resigned to Him.
I cling on to him, tighter than how i hug my bolster when asleep.

A flashback:
"do you know that you are always spaced out and blur?"
"lazy you, don't you know how precious my time is?"
"I am not like you, everything i do has to be done well and efficiently."
Perhaps it is only to her that i am this way.
Whatever she says about me, doesn't appear to be what i think about myself.
Or am i just being unaware?
What is it i have to do to show her that i care about my own life?

"Don't tell me you have no plans to go to the University at all?"
"Please, at least show your father that you can be of use even with only me supporting you."
I know! i want to show him that too!
I want to be a useful person!
I have goals!
Perhaps just invisible to your eyes...


A Penny for My Thoughts:
This road i am walking, is a winding path, paved with clods and muck. The vision is nothing but thick mist, but the destination revealed would be Paradise, i am sure.
I realise, it's all about just fighting on.
That willpower, that determination. That focus on the finishing line.
That surrendered heart, to heed GOD'S WILL.

Everyday Father, i cry out to you.
Full of pleas, full of requests for forgiveness.
You forgive me,
but my sins are repeated.
Everyday Father, i extend my hands to you.
Reaching for help, clinging on.
You save me,
again and again.
Everyday Father, I live my life for you,
Struggling, striving to be perfect like you.
You watch me,
perfecting the plan you have for me.

I Love You.


"Perfecting Holiness"

THE LIGHT

"You are the light of the world- like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all to see."

Do not be afraid, O my soul.
Why are you so faithless?
Pick up the strength and fight ahead!
So what about the difficult math sums?
the chemical reactions to memorise and apply?
Do it for the Lord above!

Just look straight my soul,
persevere on and keep walking.
what is weariness when His big hand sustains me?
I am not afraid, i do not fear death.
Even my brother who faces death is kept so strong.
Let alone me?

Fiona, fight in the light.


"I surrender all... and walk the righteous way."
O lord, i keep praying.

Spiritual Eyes

Looking ahead... i see it all with my HUMAN EYES:
a road of utter uncertainty..
danger lies, foreboding..
and i see a defeated soldier, me.. unable to find that courage and strength to tread another step.

But victory must come!
and i want to end that journey with elation and much more strength!

THis new year, it has started really well.. never had so much craziness in my life.. not sleeping for more than 20 hours! it was rather absurd and all, but it happened.
i think i really had time to think about the year ahead.. and think about what i am going to do about it.
Father, first of all.. I am going to walk in your footsteps. Faithfully.
i'll take your hand, and never let go.

I'll look at my life, with spritual eyes.. God, i know u have a greater plan and you are bigger than any of the forces that come against me as i try to do what's right.
i wanna do the rightest and bestest, for you...

i must conquer this year..
it's not going to be some mindless, blatant comment.
it's gonna be fulfilled. it's gonna be CONQUERED.

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
- My Father's promise

Be brave Fiona, and fight!!!

"fight with me, yes.. please fight with me."
"be strong with me, my pillar of strength."

-Fiona's so grateful.

that faith, just like a mustard seed.. is enough
that courage, just an ounce... is sufficient
that strength, just like a shoulder to lean on, is worth it.
that spirit to fight, just like remembering God's promises, works wonders.
that ending, just like God's promise of Heaven, is most fulfilling.