I am Happy

Finally, I am Happy, after a long time.
I start learning to treasure the other things that are around me, and I want to stick close to them.

Hey lovely!
It was just brilliant passing time with you.
And although you were down with a cold, you still met me!
I don't know, but some nerve in our heads just connected instantly!
I am so glad to be a part of your life.
And I need you in mine too, so badly. =)

Hey another lovely!
You didn't know how much you made my day yesterday did you?
Well, you did! So much!
I am so glad digging that deep into the pits with you.
And I am so glad just knowing you even more, cos now I know, I can turn to you also. =)
Thank You.

* * * * *

Dear You,

So many times, I want to type it out in a text message and send it to you- all the hurt in my heart, the countless unhappiness and unfairness I feel towards you that you do not understand.
But, I am so relieved I held back.
Cos I know now, that this move wouldn't help me and certainly not you.
And just so you know, I so badly want you to shine, to be His servant who glorifies Him.
And just so you know, I want to erase that hurt, erase that mistake and be right.
I am praying countlessly for you.

Earnest wishes,
Fiona.

Retaliation

When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should- so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again.

-Jane Eyre

It is brewing in the heart, but will not come out.
Just forgetting.

Christ in me, I in Christ

I may not do it well,
not immediately
but I've made my first step.
and I'm moving on.

Fear engulfs me,
and Satan whispers,
"turn back, don't forget!"
No, do not listen.

One word is now taboo,
that very one name.
The one that rewinds all memories,
making me insane.

Everything starts brand new,
to get that small faith.
Wanting to love my everything,
find that friend again.

"For He holds the whole body together with its joints and ligaments, and it grows as God nourishes it."

RECUPERATION

When doctors heal patients, they do not exactly find the answer to the cure, but instead heal by a series of examinations and treatments, to arrive at a stage where the patient starts to show good signs of recuperating.... and then the patient finally recovers.

Yea, that's how my wounds are healing i guess.

But the battle is ongoing, and my heart is heavy. I need a sign, the sign that could give me hope and act as my shield, so that i could keep on going...

Don't give me fluctuating signs.

Shattered

i don't know.
I'm weakened.
I'm bleeding.
Someone save this injured warrior.

I realise...

Matthew 3:13b-15
"But one thing I do:Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward that goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Oh, I see. I focus on what is ahead-my destination, my goal which is heaven and not on what is past and gone. I do not brood over regrets and unhappiness.

"All of us who are mature should take such a view of things."
Uh oh, thats me being immature!

"And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you."
Yes God, I see it working in me.

I shall move on, focusing heavenward. It is working, Father. You are indeed working in me and the thick, impermeable mist has finally gave way and I see that faith you want me to have.

same

The cuts on you cut me too.

emotions

You are dead, but your soul has never left.
I do not see you, but I feel you- the you that engulfs my breath; I feel like I am dying.
I could walk past every street, listen to every song and they all spell your name.
I hate the letters you send every spring, summer, autumn and winter-
they make me chase after an invisible you, but yet present feeling.
When will the last letter come? the one that tells me to move ahead?
P.S. I love you.-
How can I read this in every letter but only to realise that you are dead?
I often laugh at how absurd it is to be drowned in love; but yet I am confounded by the stupid me who speaks of and recalls endlessly, the obscure you.
My quiescent mind numbs my breathlessness, but my bounded body struggles to fly away.

hahaha! how funny.

vow

You see, I got a ring and engraved "FAITH" on it, put it on my ring finger and now, it is my wedding band- a vow made fpr every step I make in my life.
A prayer, a cup of raspberry vodka and jacob's high fibre biscuit was what i used as my communion.
My ceremony was complete and I now move on, surrendered with a reminder on my finger.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!