Resolutions done.
Reflections made.
So am i just gonna walk on from here?
its scary.. trepidation in every step.
Petrifying.
i am not ready, not ready to put on that armour.
How am i going to do so?
Help me.
To look back, and never regret...
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Moving On to 007
An ounce of motivation is all i need.
to go to school next year and face that dreadful year of the Big As that is.
Or should i say i need that courage to be exact.
i found myself browsing through the archives of my blog, and discovered that my recent entries were not so much of gratitude as compared to those i wrote in the beginning of the year.
Then i asked myself, "Aren't I grateful any more?"
Truly, things have been rather discouraging of the late (before the retreat).
1. My results
2. My studies
3. How to move on
In fact, above all things, these are the things affecting me tremendously. But, i just do not know how to bring it out or rather i just chose to cast it away for the moment. But the year is ENDING, and i must face them ONCE MORE!
"a peculiar feeling though, gazing at my vicinity from the corridor of my flat, i see greenery, birds, the humongous blue sky that suspends over me. Not only that, but also the lovely fluffy clouds that float like marshmallows or cotton candy. Hey, thinking abt all these, i don't see life useless!
Its crazy how God gives us challenges in our lives, that sometimes, it really is challenging to think only of its beauty. Well, surely, even the most hideous thing has its own charm..
haha well, but the fact is that the earth and its wonderful nature is so beautiful by its own. Captivating and tranquil.
Its actually more sense that we humans are the ones pollute the beautiful earth God created. BEsides, he created nature first, didnt he?
Well, God created us because he loved us. BUt here i am, polluting it with my sins and discontentment.
Lord, father, thank you so much for the blessings you've showered me."
-Quoted from 20 February '06 Post.
i wanna think this way again...
thinking about studies, just sinks my heart.
Why can't i just be grateful and think about the day God allowed me to step into this dream college of mine?
Why can't i just have that mindset to work hard from just there?
"oh well, okay, it's like almost evryday that i get off school around 5 plus.
and its just the never ending tutorials and lectures evryday..
but im glad i am in school.
Somehow, when im tired, i just have to remind myself that I am in Meridian becos God answered my prayer and i can nvr be less thankful."
-Quoted from 30 March '06 Post
I want to have that motivated heart as before.
i want to fight on!
Help me Father, cause i am screaming for you now..
i wanna pull throught next year, feeling victorious.
As much as so much good happened the beginning of this year, now that it it's year end, i am grateful for many things too....
Chronologically...
1. MY PROMOTION.
Indeed, i've not done well, and it was bad. BUt Father, you allowed me to carry on..
Thank You.
Indeed, i've not put in much effort to buck up during the holidays, but i really wanna get that spur of energy and really fight on to do my best and do well!I want to! i MUST! i'm serious.
2. CONFLICTS.
i hated conflicts.
but now, solving them with my brothers and sisters..
it just made me love them.
The feeling of being resolved and coming out feeling as if i am lying on a cloud.
that fluffy and cool feeling.. =)
3. RETREAT.
Well, the retreat made me understand how a FAMILY really is.
And for so long, i didnt actually treat them all as my family.. setting standard for everyone.
But now, i learn so much to love, and to love for their mistakes cos that's what i get back too.
And the heart to heart talks were amazing.
It made me understand haha, brothers much more. And i love them still all the same!
4. SKIT.
This skit, brought us all together.
5. DATES.
Thank you shawn seet for arranging the dates. hee hee.
Dates- christian fellowship as what my mom always defines really allows me to learn to be encouraging and at the same time be encouraged.
And, i really was.
Thank you Elijah.
The walk in the library, discovering that book-"the history of God"(HAHA), the sharing about your life, about God, the way you encourage me and spur me on, the openess, the humility and giving heart, the awesome carl's junior dinner, the yummy wonka bars and wonka's sourlicious candy, that beautiful sunflower, the movie trip, how you patiently explained the movie to me..
oh man, great job. i am so grateful. =D
Lastly, I am grateful Father, that you give me a chance to start another year.. i know it's gonna be tough, but isnt it a new beginning? a new chance, new resolutions.
Like what lubin says," The first day of the rest of your life."
it really would be the first, the genesis of the rest of my life as 07 sparks off.
It will be amazing.
*this is to Jacinda, and EJ at e moment who complained that they'll dread the coming of school term. and to all who feels the same..
to go to school next year and face that dreadful year of the Big As that is.
Or should i say i need that courage to be exact.
i found myself browsing through the archives of my blog, and discovered that my recent entries were not so much of gratitude as compared to those i wrote in the beginning of the year.
Then i asked myself, "Aren't I grateful any more?"
Truly, things have been rather discouraging of the late (before the retreat).
1. My results
2. My studies
3. How to move on
In fact, above all things, these are the things affecting me tremendously. But, i just do not know how to bring it out or rather i just chose to cast it away for the moment. But the year is ENDING, and i must face them ONCE MORE!
"a peculiar feeling though, gazing at my vicinity from the corridor of my flat, i see greenery, birds, the humongous blue sky that suspends over me. Not only that, but also the lovely fluffy clouds that float like marshmallows or cotton candy. Hey, thinking abt all these, i don't see life useless!
Its crazy how God gives us challenges in our lives, that sometimes, it really is challenging to think only of its beauty. Well, surely, even the most hideous thing has its own charm..
haha well, but the fact is that the earth and its wonderful nature is so beautiful by its own. Captivating and tranquil.
Its actually more sense that we humans are the ones pollute the beautiful earth God created. BEsides, he created nature first, didnt he?
Well, God created us because he loved us. BUt here i am, polluting it with my sins and discontentment.
Lord, father, thank you so much for the blessings you've showered me."
-Quoted from 20 February '06 Post.
i wanna think this way again...
thinking about studies, just sinks my heart.
Why can't i just be grateful and think about the day God allowed me to step into this dream college of mine?
Why can't i just have that mindset to work hard from just there?
"oh well, okay, it's like almost evryday that i get off school around 5 plus.
and its just the never ending tutorials and lectures evryday..
but im glad i am in school.
Somehow, when im tired, i just have to remind myself that I am in Meridian becos God answered my prayer and i can nvr be less thankful."
-Quoted from 30 March '06 Post
I want to have that motivated heart as before.
i want to fight on!
Help me Father, cause i am screaming for you now..
i wanna pull throught next year, feeling victorious.
As much as so much good happened the beginning of this year, now that it it's year end, i am grateful for many things too....
Chronologically...
1. MY PROMOTION.
Indeed, i've not done well, and it was bad. BUt Father, you allowed me to carry on..
Thank You.
Indeed, i've not put in much effort to buck up during the holidays, but i really wanna get that spur of energy and really fight on to do my best and do well!I want to! i MUST! i'm serious.
2. CONFLICTS.
i hated conflicts.
but now, solving them with my brothers and sisters..
it just made me love them.
The feeling of being resolved and coming out feeling as if i am lying on a cloud.
that fluffy and cool feeling.. =)
3. RETREAT.
Well, the retreat made me understand how a FAMILY really is.
And for so long, i didnt actually treat them all as my family.. setting standard for everyone.
But now, i learn so much to love, and to love for their mistakes cos that's what i get back too.
And the heart to heart talks were amazing.
It made me understand haha, brothers much more. And i love them still all the same!
4. SKIT.
This skit, brought us all together.
5. DATES.
Thank you shawn seet for arranging the dates. hee hee.
Dates- christian fellowship as what my mom always defines really allows me to learn to be encouraging and at the same time be encouraged.
And, i really was.
Thank you Elijah.
The walk in the library, discovering that book-"the history of God"(HAHA), the sharing about your life, about God, the way you encourage me and spur me on, the openess, the humility and giving heart, the awesome carl's junior dinner, the yummy wonka bars and wonka's sourlicious candy, that beautiful sunflower, the movie trip, how you patiently explained the movie to me..
oh man, great job. i am so grateful. =D
Lastly, I am grateful Father, that you give me a chance to start another year.. i know it's gonna be tough, but isnt it a new beginning? a new chance, new resolutions.
Like what lubin says," The first day of the rest of your life."
it really would be the first, the genesis of the rest of my life as 07 sparks off.
It will be amazing.
*this is to Jacinda, and EJ at e moment who complained that they'll dread the coming of school term. and to all who feels the same..
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
RockIt~
it's gonna be a fairly long post i guess....
it all started with uncertainty and reluctance.
1. arrival at woodlands MRT
i see the familiar faces, but my heart just didn't tell me to smile and be happy.
i greeted them all. it was sweet with all the good mornings and hugs.
my mood was lifted slightly.
The bus ride was fun and funny and the journey was a breeze, not much encounters to be exact just plain ol' fun.
But, the pit of my heart was still soiled.
i would say, it was a premonition of impending conflicts and unhappiness.
i was charged NEGATIVE (-)
2. Finally at Garden City estate.
Charming!
i was in love with the place.
3. Down to the field for games.
before that, we were sorted into groups.
Martin, Fiona, Lorinda, Erica, Sharon, Benjamin and Brian.
Yay~
here's our cheer:
" Flinstones, we're the Flinstones. We're the happy rocking family. Come out! try and smash us! We will blast you all to smithereens!"
by the way, it was COMPOSED.
and by the way, we were called FLINSTONES! lol
the games were awesome, how awesome?
just try stuffing biscuits in ur mouth and reciting tongue twisters at the same time. haha
tt stupidity was fun.
Then we had water games.. and some awesome game in which you had to put your nose, even ears on the ground..! It was hilarious seeing everyone desperately wanting to win..
3. Next day was A famosa.
How fun can it get but more water fun!
woo~ a BLAST! indeed. =)
i floated around... slid around.. and swam around.. haha.
At this point.. my heart was still soiled i guess.... but i casted it away. I gulped more water, and suppressed it.
4. Old folks home and evangelism.
The most enlightening day.
never thought i would get so emotional looking at the elderly, feeling tt moment of longing and sadness. farewell, couldnt be tt bad. but it was. especially, at the thought of not being able to return there. byebye ah ma!~
but yet, on this day...
tt supression was detected.. and i had to sort my feelings out.
it was emotional.
but it was awesome.
it was like quenching my thirst after being in the desert for months.
5.The parting.
bye melaka..
it was all a memory now..
but all in all, just one word. AWESOME.
if u ask me, how did it go?
i would answer: AMAZING.
the best fun.. and the most enlightening.
i was touched.. i was cut.. and i was refreshed.
and what's more? the next day was my spiritual birthday just after retreat!
my yr, was summed up so well.
so much lessons learnt and having grown so much.
i look back, ready to march forward.
Let's go father!
LEt's move on to yesterday... or even the journey back home.
fiona has been pondering about her second year as a christian, with an anarchy of emotions about this beautiful day.
but thn, it was a pleasant surprise...
truly.
thanks for the sharing on the bus.
really thanks all of you.
i am just so GRATEFUL. so so GRATEFUL.
i thot that was enough.. really enough.
till yesterday.
it was greater surprise..
well, all... it's okay it didnt really turn out a surprise.. but what's more was all of you, being there.
it was a great time.
and it was like family.
our family, although not connected by blood..
is bound by us, with a common goal.. walking tt common path- up to heaven.
and i realised how valuable it is, to be with all of you.
That its not just a company..
but a connection.. and bond..
it's one love.
ok, not to make me emotional anymore.
but it was just the best thing tt has happened. truly, the best.
and it's truly enough!
ok... something really nice, that keeps me going on is this song:
King of my life, i crown thee now, thine shall the glory be;
lest i forget thy thorn-crowned brow, lead me to calvary.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
Show me the tomb where thou wast laid, tenderly mourned and wept;
Angels in robes of light arrayed, guarded thee whilst thou slept.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
Let me like mary through the gloom, Come with a gift to thee;
Show to me now the empty tomb, lead me to calvary.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
May i be willing, lord, to bear daily my cross for thee;
even thy cup of grief to share, thou hast borne all for me.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
"father, if anytime i forget your love, your suffering, my salvation... lead me to the cross."
love, Fiona
it all started with uncertainty and reluctance.
1. arrival at woodlands MRT
i see the familiar faces, but my heart just didn't tell me to smile and be happy.
i greeted them all. it was sweet with all the good mornings and hugs.
my mood was lifted slightly.
The bus ride was fun and funny and the journey was a breeze, not much encounters to be exact just plain ol' fun.
But, the pit of my heart was still soiled.
i would say, it was a premonition of impending conflicts and unhappiness.
i was charged NEGATIVE (-)
2. Finally at Garden City estate.
Charming!
i was in love with the place.
3. Down to the field for games.
before that, we were sorted into groups.
Martin, Fiona, Lorinda, Erica, Sharon, Benjamin and Brian.
Yay~
here's our cheer:
" Flinstones, we're the Flinstones. We're the happy rocking family. Come out! try and smash us! We will blast you all to smithereens!"
by the way, it was COMPOSED.
and by the way, we were called FLINSTONES! lol
the games were awesome, how awesome?
just try stuffing biscuits in ur mouth and reciting tongue twisters at the same time. haha
tt stupidity was fun.
Then we had water games.. and some awesome game in which you had to put your nose, even ears on the ground..! It was hilarious seeing everyone desperately wanting to win..
3. Next day was A famosa.
How fun can it get but more water fun!
woo~ a BLAST! indeed. =)
i floated around... slid around.. and swam around.. haha.
At this point.. my heart was still soiled i guess.... but i casted it away. I gulped more water, and suppressed it.
4. Old folks home and evangelism.
The most enlightening day.
never thought i would get so emotional looking at the elderly, feeling tt moment of longing and sadness. farewell, couldnt be tt bad. but it was. especially, at the thought of not being able to return there. byebye ah ma!~
but yet, on this day...
tt supression was detected.. and i had to sort my feelings out.
it was emotional.
but it was awesome.
it was like quenching my thirst after being in the desert for months.
5.The parting.
bye melaka..
it was all a memory now..
but all in all, just one word. AWESOME.
if u ask me, how did it go?
i would answer: AMAZING.
the best fun.. and the most enlightening.
i was touched.. i was cut.. and i was refreshed.
and what's more? the next day was my spiritual birthday just after retreat!
my yr, was summed up so well.
so much lessons learnt and having grown so much.
i look back, ready to march forward.
Let's go father!
LEt's move on to yesterday... or even the journey back home.
fiona has been pondering about her second year as a christian, with an anarchy of emotions about this beautiful day.
but thn, it was a pleasant surprise...
truly.
thanks for the sharing on the bus.
really thanks all of you.
i am just so GRATEFUL. so so GRATEFUL.
i thot that was enough.. really enough.
till yesterday.
it was greater surprise..
well, all... it's okay it didnt really turn out a surprise.. but what's more was all of you, being there.
it was a great time.
and it was like family.
our family, although not connected by blood..
is bound by us, with a common goal.. walking tt common path- up to heaven.
and i realised how valuable it is, to be with all of you.
That its not just a company..
but a connection.. and bond..
it's one love.
ok, not to make me emotional anymore.
but it was just the best thing tt has happened. truly, the best.
and it's truly enough!
ok... something really nice, that keeps me going on is this song:
King of my life, i crown thee now, thine shall the glory be;
lest i forget thy thorn-crowned brow, lead me to calvary.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
Show me the tomb where thou wast laid, tenderly mourned and wept;
Angels in robes of light arrayed, guarded thee whilst thou slept.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
Let me like mary through the gloom, Come with a gift to thee;
Show to me now the empty tomb, lead me to calvary.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
May i be willing, lord, to bear daily my cross for thee;
even thy cup of grief to share, thou hast borne all for me.
Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.
"father, if anytime i forget your love, your suffering, my salvation... lead me to the cross."
love, Fiona
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