Never knew I could feel like this

It's this sudden surge of emotions that are smoldering me all of a sudden.
I really don't understand why.

And I guess it's because of all thats happening right beneath my tiny eyes now-
family, people, my relationships.

Facing up with disappointments, mundaneness of life, faithlessness, lost of the fellowship, goals to achieve and internal eruptions, has brought me to a stage now- where deeply inside, I yell so hard.
I keep screaming within me,

"Oh God, Show me!!!"

I am leading a life (or don't we all) that drunkenness can't redeem me from the pain and toils I experience, as much as I long to gulp down that spirit of "temporary memory loss".

With mistakes we have made, how do we feel worthy enough to receive that boundless mercy?

I want to see, feel, experience and exude Your love.


Sometimes, the sadness intensifies till I desire to rip my robe and weep in it.

CHANGE

I think things are working out in my small group.
I am really happy.

Do I trust?

My pulse-rate is increasing every second.
I don't know what's going on.
Tell me.

Where is the REASON?

I have never seen such a huge discourager, but you.
I mean, so what if he scored 19/25 for English?
Maybe it just isn't his thing? But you made it my fault and his lack of practice.
"This is horrible", "You should've gotten full marks.", "how can you forget 8 x 7?" ETC.
These are words of utter disdain to me, let alone to HIM.
You just made him lose all dignity left to be proud of his 90/100 score for Math.
Is the all-band-one criteria that necessary?

Indeed, you have made him a step closer, to being an insecure, worldly minded geek.
I am hurt for him.
Powerless.

Trying Times

These times have come,
when my heart screams and shivers,
and my stomach lurches,
when I feel that my insides are adapting.

These times have come,
when my mind is a thick mist,
in which life just leaves me clueless,
and every step I make is uncertain.

I know those times will come,
when I am completely renewed,
as hope is slowly found,
and my faith, growing into a tiny mustard seed.

Fight on, surrendering.



I ask for prayers: 1. Relationship with my mom, 2. My finances- bank loans and my job. I need direction!!, 3. Let my light shine; that in all that i do, I do it God's way.