OVER

phew.~ a sigh of relief.
its OVER. all DONE.

but well,
my computer's down.
so i'm actually blogging on my school library's computer.
it's relief.. but stress still.

my project work...
oh man..

my CCA for school open house....
it just kills me with all thats going on now.

someone, give me a bubble bath now.
i need a bathtub with some aromatherapy soap beads.
filled up with warm water.
and i am gonna soak myself in this warm revelry for hours!

a SPA should do fine.

or a massage?

just something to loosen my skin is all i need.
my eye bags have not vanished and i still look bruised on the eye.
perhaps its the trepidation about the results..
i pray really hard!!!

anyway, i still tread along this road of life..
really walking on with faith..

p.s. if anyone has knowledge about the Arts, with some inspiration about how we can sustain it.. please, DO TELL ME!!!! =) zillions of thanks from here.

S.C.R.E.W.E.D

" I am so SCREWED."
that's what jun zhi said to mutter when i fail to keep up.
hypnotism or not, indeed, Fiona's SCREWED.
the days left can be counted by my bare hands.
it brings trepidation to my soul.


UNCERTAINTY. ANXIETY. FEAR. TREPIDATION. JITTERY. WORRY. AIMLESSNESS. DISTRESS. WEARINESS. STRESS. RUIN. DESPAIR. - are all in the list of my commonly used words. these is just a meagre portion.


Aragorn said,"I see in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me.... A day may come when the courage of men fail, and we break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day.... This day, we FIGHT!"
-Words of a hero.

why not see words from my King:

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong."

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

ive been studying. sitting on the chair, changing my posture now and then.. eyes fixed on my sheets of paper.
but i feel like a snail.
so worn out, and so slow.
but unlike a snail, i dread my pace. ( i am sure a snail enjoys being slow, personal contentment isnt it)

Father, bring me through... for i only seek your help.
you are my armour, my all.
Fiona, be strong and courageous.

QUIT IT.

" I want you to know, you are rude and you are self righteous. It's good to be zealous but not cynical if you think that person is wrong. Go and think about it."

so thats me.
all because i told you abt not eating the chocolate in YOUR fridge.
i will say no more.

if thats what you think about me.

OK.
i'll relent. i will.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


its smouldering.
she feels as if she was sucked into a vacuum sack.
days are shorter for her.
she could cry a sackful of tears.
no clothe could sustain the hot tears that trickle down.
cos they burn.
rip her own hair off. yes, deprivation to this extent.
but she has got to continue.

persevere on, even at the last breathe. win.

HELP

O someone, help!
There is no time to lose, and up the mountain i must climb.
But i see no where, just an empty road.
I try, but i am walking with no avail.
I've not met the enemy,
I've not reached the destination.
But every step i take,
it is just nearer.
But am i at all equipped? am i at all prepared?
O dear God, help me.
in distress i walk,
so weak, so lost...
its a battle i must win.
But i don't seem an inch more courageous
nor prepared.
I MUST CONQUER!

help.

just barely 18 days. and it's the promos.
it was not but 30 days i thought. and now with the blink of my eye.. im down to 18!
and only 18!
Its not good... an ominous sign, foreboding.
but its victory i must clinch. It has got to be victory!!

Fight on Fiona, fight hard.. fight hard with your Armour.

free

Captured.
but innocent and pure;
clean.
your white feathers,
never stained.
even through the roughest weathers.

they caught you,
barred from freedom.
they cut you,
your blood dripped into a bowl.
Dry,
you bled.

you were forsaken,
and I,
gloriously soaked in your agony- your stain.
That i,
emerged clean and renewed,
Red.

Free to fly,
a new dressing, a new coat.
With redness so pure,
That cleansed a germ like me.
I fly away.
Grateful.

just suddenly inspired to write one.. not perfect, but just a penny for my thoughts.
perhaps this is a dedication to EJ, one who is renewed.
Here, its for you.. :) a penny for your thoughts too.
How awesome it is, to fly away, red in His blood. That we all fly together, completely drenched in blood so red, but so free.
go TEENS!~ ahaha
oh anyway, i bid xavier goodbye as he is off to be a "better man". oh man , just wish him really the best and so much best wishes. I guess it's a part and parcel of life.. where we often bid goodbyes and say our hellos. ooh well.....

and yes, so much for studying this week.. today wasnt the best.. in fact, it was bad.. didnt do much at all.. but hey, im glad there is always a tomorrow.. *OPTIMISM* i guess that's how God gives us second chances huh. Having one day a week sure would be depressing.if that would be so, that one day surely would have to be SUNDAY! haha, oh man.. enough of dreaming....

Thank you Father, that i am the sheep of your pasture.

be yourself day

sometimes, it's really good to change your mind, cos you would never knw how much fun you'll receive...

wooo hoo~ it's BE YOURSELF DAY today. what i enjoy most, is perhaps, ONLY the photo taking session. lots of dances, singing and jamming there were.. but my legs were just numbed by the sheer fact tt i had to sit through out the whole concert on e floor in such an awkward position!
but oooh well, still.. look at our smile.. ;D my beloved PW group. ARTS man ARTs! look at our rtistic talents. we just have tt artistic flair don't we?


It's just amazing how i just decided to spend my morning in college today instead of waking up late. and i sincerely apologise to kiats tt i forgot to inform her abt my attendance. oh anyway..
it was a blast... such great humour too seeing every one dress up so flamboyantly.
it was awesome going back to secondary school too.. seeing all my lovely teachers.. and indeed it's surprising to see all my old mates. it just makes my heart squeal. lol. weird word to use. but i mean. really, tts how it was.
oh well, i think that's all for the fun i ought to have. and fun ends today. It's charging into the battlefield now. and it's sending jitters down my spine. well, its not tt scary and chilly, but.. just intimidating. i wanna promote! oooh man... i knw it's all abt HARD WORK and DISCIPLINE. just gotta etch tt in my mind.
alright... so a brand new day shall start, and the sun will shine out the clearer..
Father, take my hand, and.. ChArgEEe!





that's all folks! tAa~

some misery

it was all but a normal night. nothing different but just routines to attend to. She was happy, because it was friday. Friday just meant an end to five days of school and work. Friday was just brilliant.

On the car, just streaming through the empty streets of gray, passing by arrays of street lamps. Mother was driving and She took the front seat. Just ordinary conversations were exchanged. However, the conversations from ordinary ones, gradually turned intense. From an amplitude of any other kind of talking, it turned into shoutings and screamings of harshness and indignance. Both parties were vindicated, just competing to win the argument. Her mother was loud, she would never win, the verbal onslaught was just smothering.

tears, just tears trickled down her eyes. helpless, but still trying to fight back, but perhaps silence was a better tool. Indeed she made a wrong choice.. she snapped back, still crying.

Even at the doorstep, it didnt stop, perhaps the whole neighbourhood awoke from their revelries. She decided to shut up, she was losing the verbal war. almost beaten. But another word from mother, she couldnt help but answer. But unknowingly, it was the last straw for mother. the very LAST.

Her bag, the books on the table, the files came flying across her face, they were thrusted at the target, being only HER. It didnt hurt on the skin, perhaps just slightly. But internal emotions were evoked. Appalled, and unanswerable.

She cried the entire night, she prayed.
Hoping for a solution.
She wrote a letter, slipped it under mother's door.
Just wishing, this would turn out better, wishing she could be heard just a bit.
The next morning, her eyes were swollen.
It was hideous, a mark of hurt.. and uncontrolled feelings.
As much as this sounded pitiful,
she knew, God was disappointed even more.

"i wouldnt let the sun go down in anger."

TWAD

look at our work of art. =)


it was through days of sweat, brain racking, time and innovation.
in the end- it was SUCCESS! =)
it was worth it.
seeing our workers beam with joy, some even shedded tears of elation, perhaps with a tinge of feeling moved.
the games were awesome, the skit was awesome, the awards were awesome, the song was awesome, and the FOOD was scrumptuous! what do u expect? its korean food!

the food is more thn what meets the eye.
thanks to some brilliant parents- auntie choi, and sharon's parents. =)






T.W.A.D- teen workers' appreciation day.
it was e best.
it was e first time in my teen ministry life tt i actually appreciated my beloved workers, who unrequitedly gave their best.
i wanna be like them.
the most serving, the most loving, and the most truthful.
but i thank the teens, for helping me make it all possible.
indeed, our rewards are e smiles we see on our discipler's face.
thanks for e time, and the effort.
my next post will be dedicated to thanking each and evryone of u. :)
i promise!
;D
well, realli, it was awesome.


mighty efforts. we are one!~

saying hi

seeing this, just makes me laugh. there are more.. definitely.
and the spastic moments, seem glorious with her.
we tke pride in our actions, it is our forte- for they all mean something.
it somehow becomes how we are, feeling so comfortable with it, being so-- sophisticatedly retarded?
but i don't care, neither do i mind.
cos she walks with me to heaven.





not one, neither 2 nor 3.. but 4 of us.
we laugh..
we pose...
actions are funny...
but i, not a least bit think it's unglamourous or dumb.
pry into whats inside.
its e friendship, the fun embraced TOGETHER.
the one in black, QUEEN of Aunties u can call her.
the girl behind.. just say she 's almost one.
see whats beside? 2 spastic maidservants!!!



here, picture perfect, thats what i call.
we smile, yes..
but we cry together too.
this is love, where we care for whats inside, nth else.
where joy overflows...
with the essence of what we call sisterhood.
if life is gonna be tough, i fret not!
the four of them, they do not push me...
they take my hand, they listen, and through the swarmy marshes and pebbled paths, we look out, for one another.


if it's all but a life i lead.. it ain't easy.
when i look up, almost opening my mouth to voice a complaint, i picture God among e heavens, i shut my mouth.
when i look down, i see my feet. "yes, i can walk, run.. even cycle!"
my left, my right, around me- my love ones, my friends--- GOD'S CREATION.
i look up again, " thank you Father, for i am blessed".
i smile, i move on.
Fiona, don't despair, do not be troubled!
if it's all but a life i lead, it leads me to heaven.
not alone.
=D

i'm blessed. to conquer the PROMOS.

no!

so i unwrapped the dressing on my chin.....

aHhhhh!~ part of it seemed to have split! NOoo!!!
nNOOOOoooOOOO!
nononononoNONONonononoNONO!






i hope it'll be fine. :/

so it's me now huh? thanks to your friend SYING. wahaha.

1. If you could be stranded on an island with only one person, who would it be?
Jacinda. cos she would have Maria Kang with her. but, that would make 3 ppl on the island wouldnt it? ooh man! i guess i would choose kynaston? the most logical and practical person i could think of.2. Name the most disgusting thing you've ever seen someone do on Fear Factor.
eat some disgusting kinda organ or gut. if not dip there bodies into this barrel of vomit or whatsoever.
3. In real life?
hmmm. it would be seeing my sister pick up particles on the floor and eating them (even beetles) when she was young. (jacinda, i am NOT disgusting. its e wound that is!!!)
4. Poet/ArtistThat's tough. must i choose? I always believe that a poet is able to express every part of his senses in his poems, bringing out e deepest emotions that even by actions one would find it hard to express. which is amazing! whereas, for an artist, A picture paints a thousand words doesnt it? Both i would love.
5. If you had to choose, which of your five senses would you rather lose?
Perhaps smell. Then i wouldnt be able to smell those stinky rubbish and all. No way would i want to lose my sight, hearing, taste, touch. Well, even smell i would want to keep. The beauty of the senses aint it?God's gifts arent they? but if i were to choose, smell that is.6. Are you a morning person?
i'm ok with everything! i am a sleep-little person. yea, morning i love.
7. Starbucks/Coffee Bean?
Both? heeeeh.
8. What's the most expensive thing you've ever given your mom on Mother's Day?
with my artistic talent, i usually give her self-made cards made with love. ahha but well, perhaps it would some facial products.
9. Father's Day?
Think i bought a shaver once. which was ages ago.
10. Favourite seasons:
Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Wouldnt wanna miss them! Singapore doesnt even have any. Saying singapore is summer all yr round, aint true either. its just monsoon.
11. Are you bored yet?
tts redundant.
12. Ever published something?
I'll be publishing my post in a few moments time. perhaps done some school newsletters and all.
13. Ever been skinny-dipping?
sounds funny, like something ducks do.
14. Are you superstitious?
nahh. perhaps only heed some.
15. Do you believe in true love?
oh yes.. love has gotta be true.
16. The best eye colour the opposite sex could have:
no preference. its love isnt it?
17. TV Series vs. Movies?
no preference. like both though. as i always indulge in them.
18. Celebrity crushes, if any:
Johnny Depp, Kwon Sang Woo, Hyun Bin, SUPERMAN!- brandon Routh. How about Zidane?
19. Can you type this sentence with your eyes closed?
Can i type this sentence with my eyes closed? I DID IT!
20. Now force-feed this to five people of your choice:
ivan, jasmine, gwen, Ben chew?, Manfred.

God's control

this week is a stark contrast of the previous week.
i couldn't believe it. pinch me, am i dreaming?

firstly, i lost my beloved phone.. apparently someone picked it up and kept it.
How can it be that people are so deprived of integrity these days?
Don't they at all comprehend how i feel?
ok, im making a dumb remark, but these people,they really make me furious!
well, what was really dumber was tt i argued with my mom abt buying a new phone.. the selfish and greedy me, just kept insisting on getting gd phones and i ended up throwing tantrums. boy was i naughty. but im glad i realised my mistake.. and tried to amend my mistakes the way God wanted me too.
so, fiona wrote a note to her mom, apologising. =) heeeh

so right.. what could happen nxt huh? the absence of my phone was already bad enough.
what happened was just such a coincidence, i don't blame her(my classmate)..
she swung the squash racquet right at my temple.. boy, the pain was throbbing.
i thot i suffered from some concussion thn.. i was wOooZy!

apparently mental pain and physical pain was inflicted on me.. it was already disastrous..
saturday came, the day i was enthusiastically waiting for!!
Pulau Ubin devo cum fun time + my date a.k.a teens grp fellowship!
it all started pretty well.. sparked off our journey with our first devo, singing and praying.
and we rented our bike upon reaching there.
was merrily riding my bike, although with some difficulties.. but i still managed to heave on, going up slopes and all.. nearly got knocked by a van though, reckless me!

it is till i reached that SLOPE.
clueless i was to how steep and long it was..
i just rode off..
the bike accelerated, naturally.
i tried braking, recalling that i needed to brake while going down slopes.
but it was too late!
my bike has complete gone berserk, off my control!
i muttered,"gosh, oh no. oh my gosh."
and there was silence.
in my mind, i thot," ok, i'll fall."
and in a split second, *SMACK*
i fell flat on the pebbled path.
rather oblivious to what was going on, only feeling acute pain on my limbs, danny pulled me up.
blood was dripping incessantly down my chin. *phew, luckily not my braces!*
felt woozy again..
i knew it wasnt a small injury.....
using martin's towel to press on my wound, i walked back to the first aid corner where the policemen attened to me.
how comical the first aider was!
i had fun in fact! =)
but well, im truly grateful to danny and peiling, chauffeuring me all e way to changi hospital, the nearest.
at the jetty, i became the talking point of the day. all the boat uncles were expressing their concern and gave some sound advices. ahaha. how cute!

evryone was flabbergasted upon seeing my chin laceration.
it was deep! utterly!
it resembled a smaller mouth on my chin.
3 cm wide.
and worst of all, i waited 4 hrs +++ to get my stitches done.
well, perhaps that's why i had a sticker with the word "patient" on it.

anyway, it was my first time having to stitch up a wound. and im sincerely touched by the care my brothers and sisters showered upon me..
but i thot, it wasn't scary cos God was with me.
i knew God protected me, if not things could've been worst!
Thank u God for providing me with tt ounce of strength and that wonderful grp of companions who cared. =)

as much as this week wasn't the best..
i knew God had a reason for mishaps to occur, and ive definitely learnt much frm it.
i am disabled now, but ive got my shepherd to lead me through the pastures and the valley of death.
so, why would i be afraid at all? =)

memorable stuff

where shld i start?? things have been so awesome for me i just feel so blessed by God.

firstly, really appreciate my mom and the teens. =) my birthday , although the 17th one was so special and memorable, and i owe it to all of you. thanks gazillions.
oh oh and also, 06S303. hee hee. indeed an amazing board u all created.. a board in which i can stare at for hours. ahaha. really sweet. =)
oh what can i say... filling me with bemusement, making me utterly oblivious to all your pranks on me. well, i forgive you GIRLS, smearing me with cream.. " I love you all" i'll say.. haha and i knw its the way you girls show how much u love me. its ALOT of love. indeed. and what's more, our superlicious supper @ CHOMP CHOMP. here my frens, a note to y'all..

Jacinda: my dear, as much as u tried to pretend u didnt knw my b'dae, i knw u would nvr forget. thanks for being my companion, my mirror, my output machine even. with you, i am a transparent sheet.. and i thank God for you in my life.
Sharon: as auntyish as u are, you have always been there for me, serving me and encouraging me. i'm touched sharon by your love for me and always showing me so much concern. and i love the times we share tgr.
Ivan: wOw my mango.. you've persevered, you gained so much knowledge and integrity , also faith to be who you are today.. and im utterly proud. brother, your humble heart, your heart of servingness, keep it going. cos it mkes u shine. thanks for always being in my life, you never fail to rmb me throughout the week, always sharing w me about your feelings and school. truly appreciate it boy!
Kynaston: well, haha, thanks to my mom you were able to hve supper w me. =) glad u were there. you've always been someone i feel so free to share evrything with. you r such a patient listener, and a logical advisor. God certainly put you in my life to mke me smile.
Elijah: =) what can i say? indeed, you never fail to add colour to my life. i'm truly happy our frenship's blossoming. you are always the easy going one.. always saying ok and always willing to give. and u r awesome, always showing how you feel. i'm indeed blessed.
Lincoln: as much as we converse minimally, i'm glad u turned up. =) im so inspired by how much you've grown.. and i truly hve to turn from you too.
Ben: we talk little too.. but i am grateful how you try to shine for God. i feel so sorry for that night, in which u took the wrong bus and all. i want u to knw, im here and i thank u for the friendship.

special note to silvia: thanks for sharing. i;m touched and grateful. may we walk together down heaven's road.
to sonia: hey.. its great having you in my life too. i love evrytime i spend with you and i love you. =)

thatt night, i learnt to eat: tzoot tzoot. lol.
and i learnt loads of games.. =) like the *diu diu* game frm ivan. ahaha. and fuzzy wuzzy! =D
reached home @ 2 am but, was not the least bit tired.
thanks guys. =)

------------- ALL FOR MY BIRTHDAY CREDITS---------

now, what inspired me today..

Wilfred shared: We are like soccer players, like how they are equipped to play on the field, we are fighting in God's battle, in this field of life.

The Armour of God. wow.
i wanna wear that.

the Belt of truth. the breastplate of righteousness. feet fitted with readiness. Shield of Faith. Helmet of Salvation. Sword of the Spirit.

it's so true how important it is to be equipped with all of these in our lives.

What Lubin shared was so true: What if i die tomorrow?
my repentance starts NOW and never is to stop.

it is just so beautiful how this armour is described. imagine, being a soldier of God. That's how i'll look like- with truth, righteousness,readiness, faith, salvation and spirit.

so here i am, i am ready to love God so much that compared to how much i love him, i hate everyone else. i want to carry my cross daily, and walk along with him. Lord, Father, take my hand.

Praying in the spirit on all occasions.

17

to change things that seem hard to change, to make possible the impossible.... to love, to grow, to strengthen, to be a child of God in his image...

When i turn seventeen, i.....
1.pray to be completely dependent on God in my life and resolved.
2.pray to shine in my life as a disciple- in school, in church, in family.
3.pray to be totally humble and nvr fail to share my faith.
4.wanna grow in my friendship with people, be it in church or anywhere else.
5.pray to have a heart of a servant, to serve.
6.pray to love the people around me.
7.pray to walk closely and intimately with my father in heaven.

Turning 17, i...
1.dream to fly!
2.dream to work in God's house.
3.dream to be a news broadcaster.
4.dream to lend a hand and ear to the misfortunate around the world.
5.dream to open a chocolate factory like willy wonka's.
6.dream to be a star!
7.dream to be an angel.
8.dream to be like yo yo ma.

sounds dreamy, but they are all dreams anyway!

When i turn 17, 18, 19.... till as long as live..
i wish, pray, dream....
TO GO TO HEAVEN!

in fact one small wish here,
i want to LOVE mathematics.

also another,
to grow deeper in my relationship with my mom.

another one too,
to solve my grudges and not bear them.

somemore,
i want to see the teens ministry grow and mke it grow as well.

ok.. they are somewhat all my real wishes when i turn 17, so don't laugh!! instead, i ask for prayers.. thanks. =) ahaha.

end of papers

"A man of many companions may come to ruin , but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Well, just to mark the end of my mid yr exams, i would like to share how i fruitfully commemorated that wonderful day. in fact, my weekend was tremendously splendid! well, it wasnt only the weekends though, the whole week through my exams were, well.. accompanied by God. =) personally, i truly look forward to seeing christians throughout e week and of cos going to church. so it always dampens my spirits a little when i have to go to school for the whole week without seeing thm till friday night and sunday.
oooh well... but tables turned for e past week...

Wednesday at 0900: Fiona went to church rooftop to cram for biology paper. The paper was in the afternnoon at 1, so she apparently had a fair bit of time to study it all in. admidst that pressurising time cramming all the information in, *poof* sharon called and sweetly asked if Fiona wanted lunch. She listened to her stomach, noticed that the gastric juice was creating a tremendous tsunami in her stomach and fervently agreed for lunch to be sent. the awesome sharon, gladly brought food to fiona. how sweet! =) it was around 1200 when she arrived. Fiona hastily gobbled up my food, as she had to catch the bus to get to school lest she'll be late! so off she went..

Wednesday at 1600: Biology paper was over. only one more to go! Chinese. =) so i headed off to church where its my only place of revelry.. i was amazed how calm i was doing the paper. despite not completing it, i felt as if God was holding my hand and wiping the sweat off my brow. =) hee hee. i was sure he was doing tt. okay, opened the doors to temasek rm and tadaaa! familiar faces! shawn seet and andrew. =) a surge of warmth inside me. not long after, my dear jacinda arrived and we studied. we did. =) studied all the way till around 9pm with the company of dearest wai cheng. it indeed was a "happy-study session" tt night. =D I name that Wednesday: Wonderfully wise Wednesday

thursday: Chinese paper and bye to the mid years. *laughs out merrily* i was elated! Utterly thrilled! so Fiona pranced off to cityhall, having planned to meet 3 awesome sisters- Viktoria(from texas), Gwen and Sera. it was really cute how it all went. had lunch.. and we well, planned to go to the Coffee Connoisseur to spend tme after the lunch.. but when we reached the mrt, viktoria suddenly said, "have a great time u guys!", smiling. i was stunned. so were sera and gwen, could sense question marks emerging from their little heads. ahaha. a miscommunication indeed. well, so viktoria had to leave as she had plans. she thot we just were supposed to have lunch tgr.. but anyway... there were still the 3 of us. =) to TCC i went... looking forward to hanging out with these 2. ahaha. one thing, the ambience was fantastic and the company just topped it all. =) we really chatted.. loads. till gwen had to leave. not wanting to go home, I spent the rest of the time with sera at borders! =) we walked and talked. spoke abt things we similarly face.. talked about challenges in life and issues we just never touched on before. i was amazed, and i completely treasured that time cos it was time that was missed for so long.... i name thursday: Totally Tremendous Thursday.

First, a question, are you tired reading it? oh too bad for u, cos im enjoying myself here.. heeh.

Friday: was bored at home, no schoool. but, i had plans, i certainly had. =) A trip to Waicheng's office! it was silvia, jacinda and i.. we ran an errand for her.. was a great errand- A trip to Caldecott Hill-Mediacorp. well, had to get some props for her shooting the next day. frankly, mediacorp isnt tt fantastic at all, was totally run down.. and mundane. couldnt believe tt interesting stuff actually come frm there. BEst thing was, Danny's office was beside waicheng's so we had lots of popping by. =) thn, it was midweek in the evening. yipeee! familiar faces again! how splendid. =D so friday was : Friday Frenzy Full of Fantastic Fun with Friends.

Saturday: nth much, but it was movie weekend! went to watch Just my Luck with felicia samantha and jacinda. =) sat at e front row, straining our necks while watching.. but it was still enjoyable. i was so glad i went out with thm esp samantha. =) cos it was a once in a blue moon thing. heeeeh. thn off to ahma hse. i named tt saturday: superb Saturday.

Sunday: the best day of the week. The day in which God relaxes and hears us sing to him. with the splendid sermon about Love. How to love, i always wonder. or what's the right way to Love? well, indeed, Love is a many splendid things, love lifts us up where we belong. and most importantly, God is love. Loving... gosh ok, i'll blog next time abt love. if i go on, it'll mke another blog. heeh. The events of tt day was called: Sunday Spirit! =)

how amazing God works in my life, where i can see people in my very own family everyday. What's most amazing.. God walks with me forever. there are indeed many things experienced throughout my days and weeks.. but these moments, are something, never to miss and always worth to share... =D

"How can i repay the Lord for all his goodness to me? I will life up the cup of salvation and call on the name of the Lord. "
"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."

Praise the Lord!

therapy

i'll keep this close to my heart:

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
(Extracted from Romans 8:31-39)

HEEEELLLLLPPPP! i see the enemy just right before me approaching from the other end of the battle field. turn back? i cant.. all i can do is stand firm and fight, with all that i have in my hands now. But if it leads me to victory to glorify my Lord.. shouldnt i fight all the way even more?

to conquer the exams!with my Father's shofar.

a note to my Heavenly Father

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Dear heavenly Father,

Good morning! =D
O dad i believe it's all sunny and fresh up there in heaven.. i guess the host of angels must be singing some early morning chorals now.. =)
well, i woke up this morning, first tossing around in bed, wondering what am i going to do today. i know that i would have to study.. but i just don't know where to do so and how to start... Lord, please, help to to set my mind focus on what i should do, to be disciplined and to also have that ounce of strength to study...
Lord, time really flies.. it's gonna be the exams soon.. and that's my worry now. Lord, i pray so much not to worry and Lord, i want to do my best for you.. Whatever it is, i want to do my best, to glorify you above on high.
Papa, i love you.
And i know your love for me is more abundant than infinity.

Just me,
Fiona

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is God's love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Psalm 103:11-12

=D

"the best expression of love is time."
indeed.
for the past week..
i was burdened with the fact that i was weighed down with so many things to accomplish.
further discouraged by some discord i had with my mom- with her ranting and scolding.
i was hurt.
However, i didn't fathom how to exactly deal with it until i revisited 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
Well, i guess i should've understood my mom's burden and work hard to be a help to her, her listening ear, and a friend.
it wasn't easy hearing her lash out her problem with all the criticisms.. cos it made me indignant as well.. but i guess im trying to take it well..
and well, also, mking sure that i spend ample time with her.
It wasn't easy understanding her struggles but i realised it made me feel like a confidante, which was sweet somehow.
indeed so, spending more time with her throughout this week, made things so much better. I guess, giving time, truly is a way to express love.

not pretty diamonds or heaps of gifts,
but just time, and small sacrifices
expresses love utterly.
just like what my dad did,
a huge sacrifice, he paid for me..
to save me from the dungeons of hell,
saving me a room in eternity.

alright all, i'm happy now. i hve truly learnt loads from my setbacks and am happy to move on. =)

- - -

don't ask me to smile, cos im so not in the mood to.
not even a grin, a chuckle, let alone a laugh.

im sorry.
tts all i can say to all of u whom i offended.
im grateful for your forgiveness.
but can't u see?
im completely weighed down! i'm stuck in my path!
if it was satan's pleasure, to burden me so greatly today, so be it.
all i can say is tt im utterly worn.
its too many roles to play for a day, in fact, a night.
i can't help but to cry out..
my aimlessness, my note of distress, forlorn.
all i ask for, is help.
just be there O my dear dad.
stand by me.
pick my up.
dust my knees.
and carry me.
i seek ur favour, i seek for strength.
i've burdened one to many people this night..
and my own sack isnt lightened.
for no one would be tolerant with my outrageous emotions now, except you.
no one,
but you.

thoughts

okay.. no fancy msg or creatively crafted posts today..
but i just wanna pen how i feel and all for the pass weeks.. =)

ok, its no more miss whitey smile anymore.. but miss bracey face.
i just had my braces on, unknowingly..
ok, i just wasnt prepared.. i thot i would be there for ONLY an extraction but then he started drawing my teeth and pasting some small pieces of brackets on them... then in my heart, i thot, "uh oh.... so is it....?" anyway, it was!
my heart was palpitating, tremendously.
at tt time, the radio was playing Simple plan's "untitled" too.. so it just added on to the miserable mood... '.... And I can't stand the pain.. And I can't make it go away.. No I can't stand the pain..... I just wanna scream How could this happen to me...'
indeed, just how i felt.. not completely though..
lol cos it didnt turn out like that bad.. i asked for it, didnt i?

but well, indeed it was a pain. However, pain isnt my life, pain isnt everything...
i experienced so much joy.. i thot, tt teeny pain didnt even occupy a paragraph in my book of life. what joy, not the joy of putting e braces of cos..
but well, the joy of having people in my life.
im glad my world isnt revolving around only me..
indeed, its just such a vast difference.. floating on a plank in the sea alone and being tossed in the huge waves holding a friend's hand.
this week.. in fact these few weeks..
im just so encouraed receiving messages evryday.. being informed of how my dear brothers and sisters are doing..
imgine, in the middle of a boring math lecture.. the phone beeps and boo! a msg frm a fellow christian. gosh, it indeed perks my mundane day. =) u'll see me smiling dumbly to myself, but i dun mind! hahaa.
well, sometimes, in life.. u just get to a point where u just wanna stop and tke a break , breathe a little..
but life yet can be so hectic that it would seem almost unreasonable to do so.
anyway.. ive been craving for tt.
in fact.. my pace has somewhat slowed down..
well, indeed this june would be studying for me and all.. having to prepare for my exams which starts tmr, but continues aft the hols..
but hey, i feel happy being able to vacate frm school for several weeks.. plan some free fun times.. and have fun with my awesome friends. not only that, but also to have more dates with dad above.
i guess dad's waiting.. and i cant wait too.. to spend some really gd time with Him.
the bullet train ride.. it still goes on, and ive yet to unboard it..
but hey, a train ride isnt all just abt riding on it! im gonna have fun on it! =)

one thing i wanna work on abt myself,
is to really be in touch with my feelings.. somehow, when term actually started..
i've yet to truly feel how i feel and express it..
(perhaps more d grps would help.. heeh)
im still learning indeed.. Lord teach me to help people around me.. esp the young teens. help me to be a friend and a sister to them, to help them.
Sometimes, scchool and school work just drowns me..
well, i dont want tt to be my life.. just somehow need to strike a balance between my relationship with papa and school stuff.
im torn dad, i need you completely in my life..
im so unworthy..
but the worthy you, suffered with so much humility and pain. I'll never forget that, never.
so instead, dad, i knw i'll not be perfect, but i'll do my best to glorify you..
so tt that day on the cross wasnt for nothing for me.
but dad, i wanna reunite with u in that paradise. i want you to pat my head and sae "well done". I want satan to cry. I want to be like you, Father.. cos im your image arent i?
Dad, i love you, forever. i do.
=)