thoughts

okay.. no fancy msg or creatively crafted posts today..
but i just wanna pen how i feel and all for the pass weeks.. =)

ok, its no more miss whitey smile anymore.. but miss bracey face.
i just had my braces on, unknowingly..
ok, i just wasnt prepared.. i thot i would be there for ONLY an extraction but then he started drawing my teeth and pasting some small pieces of brackets on them... then in my heart, i thot, "uh oh.... so is it....?" anyway, it was!
my heart was palpitating, tremendously.
at tt time, the radio was playing Simple plan's "untitled" too.. so it just added on to the miserable mood... '.... And I can't stand the pain.. And I can't make it go away.. No I can't stand the pain..... I just wanna scream How could this happen to me...'
indeed, just how i felt.. not completely though..
lol cos it didnt turn out like that bad.. i asked for it, didnt i?

but well, indeed it was a pain. However, pain isnt my life, pain isnt everything...
i experienced so much joy.. i thot, tt teeny pain didnt even occupy a paragraph in my book of life. what joy, not the joy of putting e braces of cos..
but well, the joy of having people in my life.
im glad my world isnt revolving around only me..
indeed, its just such a vast difference.. floating on a plank in the sea alone and being tossed in the huge waves holding a friend's hand.
this week.. in fact these few weeks..
im just so encouraed receiving messages evryday.. being informed of how my dear brothers and sisters are doing..
imgine, in the middle of a boring math lecture.. the phone beeps and boo! a msg frm a fellow christian. gosh, it indeed perks my mundane day. =) u'll see me smiling dumbly to myself, but i dun mind! hahaa.
well, sometimes, in life.. u just get to a point where u just wanna stop and tke a break , breathe a little..
but life yet can be so hectic that it would seem almost unreasonable to do so.
anyway.. ive been craving for tt.
in fact.. my pace has somewhat slowed down..
well, indeed this june would be studying for me and all.. having to prepare for my exams which starts tmr, but continues aft the hols..
but hey, i feel happy being able to vacate frm school for several weeks.. plan some free fun times.. and have fun with my awesome friends. not only that, but also to have more dates with dad above.
i guess dad's waiting.. and i cant wait too.. to spend some really gd time with Him.
the bullet train ride.. it still goes on, and ive yet to unboard it..
but hey, a train ride isnt all just abt riding on it! im gonna have fun on it! =)

one thing i wanna work on abt myself,
is to really be in touch with my feelings.. somehow, when term actually started..
i've yet to truly feel how i feel and express it..
(perhaps more d grps would help.. heeh)
im still learning indeed.. Lord teach me to help people around me.. esp the young teens. help me to be a friend and a sister to them, to help them.
Sometimes, scchool and school work just drowns me..
well, i dont want tt to be my life.. just somehow need to strike a balance between my relationship with papa and school stuff.
im torn dad, i need you completely in my life..
im so unworthy..
but the worthy you, suffered with so much humility and pain. I'll never forget that, never.
so instead, dad, i knw i'll not be perfect, but i'll do my best to glorify you..
so tt that day on the cross wasnt for nothing for me.
but dad, i wanna reunite with u in that paradise. i want you to pat my head and sae "well done". I want satan to cry. I want to be like you, Father.. cos im your image arent i?
Dad, i love you, forever. i do.
=)

Infinite thanks

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made ME and I am his;
I am his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Psalm 100:1-3

Thank You for giving me air to breathe.
Thank You for making me Fiona Neo Shi Hui.
Thank You for my mom, my sister, my brother, even my dad.
Thank You for shelter over my head.
Thank You for medicine when i am sick.
Thank You for education i can receive.
Thank You for a school i can go to.
Thank You for my comfy bed.
Thank You for wonderful music.
Thank You for the cello.
Thank You for food that satisfies my hunger.
Thank You for chocolates.
Thank You for the trees that grow and flowers that blossom.
Thank You for the wind that soothes.
Thank You for the sun that brightens.
Thank You for the moon that embraces the night.
Thank You for the stars that bring direction.
Thank You for english that can be expressed.
Thank You for people that care.
Thank You for friendships in my life.
Thank You for role models, teachers and my disciplers.
Thank You for times that i can cry.
Thank You for times where there are laughter.
Thank You for times that i struggle.
Thank You for times when everything seems a breeze.
Thank You for angry times.
Thank You for my rebellious times.
Thank You for times i get spanked cos i learn.
Thank You for creating TIME.
Thank You for times that were hard.
Thank You for beautiful moments.
Thank You for memories.
Thank You for your unconditional love despite my selfishness.
Thank You for your forgiveness despite the many times i was unforgiving.
Thank You for listening despite me being so disobedient.
Thank You for always blessing me despite my ungratefulness.
Thank You for your abundant promises.
Thank You for sacrificing for me.
Thank You for saving me.
Thank You for never forsaking me.
Thank You for creating my inmost being, for evry cell in my body that functions, for every organ and fibre i have.
Thank You for my heart that beats.
Thank You for everything.
Even the sky.....

O lord, i cant thank You enough.
Dad, can't i live with you now? That home beyond the clouds?
I can't wait to be there!
Dad, but i'll wait, if you say so.
It's a long journey indeed, to the clouds and beyond.
BUt i am glad, you are watching over me..
With this, never will i be afraid.
Because i know,
"even when i walk through the valley of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me."

Thanks dad. Can't live without you in my life.
The uncertainties that lie ahead..
Guide me papa.. cos i'm as aimless as a sheep.

Once again,
my utmost gratitude.
I Love You.

the treasurable two

my beloved, my strength

nicholas-venessa

dearest nick, my charming brother.
you are ever so lovely
never will i want to see you suffer.
time flies swiftly,
you are 7 but still so small.
i'll be here, i always will,
even when you're tall,
i'll stand by still.
your woes and feeling,
i hear you whisper,
leaves me brimming
with tears and wonder.
stay strong my boy,
your papa's up there,
carrying you through soil
showering his care.

just a lil boy and he knows, papa's gone.
pure as he is, he nvr resents him.
he nvr fails to say," i love daddy, i miss him".
that leaves me even more heart broken. but that's him i admit, and fiona's gotta be with him. my darling brother, that came as a gift, i'll be there for him.


now to you, sister venessa.
you keep yourself hard,
no one can mess with her.
knowing your thoughts is like digging into mud.
grateful i am though
to have you by my side.
you are a kind lil soul
who helps with all your might.
but just to let you knw,
your dad's above on high.
let your feelings flow,
express it, even if its a sigh.

my sister.. her heart's as hard as stone. how much she feels, she nvr fails to keep. we're a nonsensical lot i can say.. lotsa of bickers and lots of play. but i knw she feels, but strong she stays. i appreciate her in so many ways. my pillar, she is, i need her.

these 2. my closest. my kin. my beloved. my loved ones. my strength. my hope. my joy. my will.
God's gifts.
thanks Father.