LIFE, not MY WAY

i can't...
i'm so tempted to ring that bell- the "surrender" bell.
It's like an internal battle within.. that only my God and I know.
Perhaps, including Satan.

STUDIES
SPIRITUALITY
FAMILY
RELATIONSHIPS
CHARACTER
PRIORITIES
what not. they just overflow with things i must deal with.
Get lost Satan.

Where is that armour i was wearing?
my belt of truth? my breastplate of righteousness? my feet fitted with readiness? my shield of faith? my helmet of salvation? my sword of the spirit?
Where are they now?


Father, help me to FIGHT ON.
Father, give me STRENGTH.
Father, walk with me.
Father, show me where to go.

So much fear...
but yet, so much uncertainty.
Recurring emotions, im just sick and tired of them.

SMILE fiona.
take a little step of faith each time.

"If God is for us, who can be against us?"
If my God is for me? who else can be against me?
i believe so.

To lead my life walking God's path.

To be more than conquerors...

CLUELESS

OVERWHELMED
UNCERTAIN
CONFUSED
TIRED
DEJECTED

Why does it happen again and again?
all the (s'rehtom) rambles about my studies, my future and blah...
when i am TRYING!

Why do people get so paranoid?
Look, i am striving so hard to walk God's way.
Perhaps they meant well... but..

Why is life just so difficult?
MY work just makes me want to rip my brains out.
The amount of things to balance, people i have to face and chores i have to fulfill.
It's overflowing.

Why is it that i am in such a dire state of life?
Nothing seems to be working out in my studies.
IT's so difficult to be an example in church.
Being a student who shines in school isn't any easier.
Now, where is my willpower?

So much for the WHYs...
I've casted them away.
i know how pointless it is to be leading a WHY-ful life.
But yes, these thoughts just brushed pass my head, to be honest.
But hey, Fiona really is learning to be a Fighter.
Not some street-fighter fighter..
But a fighter who clothes myself on in God's armour.
=D

OPTIMISTIC
FAITHFUL
MOTIVATED
ZEALOUS
FOCUSED
DISCIPLINED
GRATEFUL

CRIES TO YOU

GOD'S WILL.

it has always been in my head.
but submitting to it....
A struggle it is, to be completely resigned.
But, i am now. Resigned to Him.
I cling on to him, tighter than how i hug my bolster when asleep.

A flashback:
"do you know that you are always spaced out and blur?"
"lazy you, don't you know how precious my time is?"
"I am not like you, everything i do has to be done well and efficiently."
Perhaps it is only to her that i am this way.
Whatever she says about me, doesn't appear to be what i think about myself.
Or am i just being unaware?
What is it i have to do to show her that i care about my own life?

"Don't tell me you have no plans to go to the University at all?"
"Please, at least show your father that you can be of use even with only me supporting you."
I know! i want to show him that too!
I want to be a useful person!
I have goals!
Perhaps just invisible to your eyes...


A Penny for My Thoughts:
This road i am walking, is a winding path, paved with clods and muck. The vision is nothing but thick mist, but the destination revealed would be Paradise, i am sure.
I realise, it's all about just fighting on.
That willpower, that determination. That focus on the finishing line.
That surrendered heart, to heed GOD'S WILL.

Everyday Father, i cry out to you.
Full of pleas, full of requests for forgiveness.
You forgive me,
but my sins are repeated.
Everyday Father, i extend my hands to you.
Reaching for help, clinging on.
You save me,
again and again.
Everyday Father, I live my life for you,
Struggling, striving to be perfect like you.
You watch me,
perfecting the plan you have for me.

I Love You.


"Perfecting Holiness"

THE LIGHT

"You are the light of the world- like a city on a mountain, glowing in the night for all to see. Don't hide under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all to see."

Do not be afraid, O my soul.
Why are you so faithless?
Pick up the strength and fight ahead!
So what about the difficult math sums?
the chemical reactions to memorise and apply?
Do it for the Lord above!

Just look straight my soul,
persevere on and keep walking.
what is weariness when His big hand sustains me?
I am not afraid, i do not fear death.
Even my brother who faces death is kept so strong.
Let alone me?

Fiona, fight in the light.


"I surrender all... and walk the righteous way."
O lord, i keep praying.

Spiritual Eyes

Looking ahead... i see it all with my HUMAN EYES:
a road of utter uncertainty..
danger lies, foreboding..
and i see a defeated soldier, me.. unable to find that courage and strength to tread another step.

But victory must come!
and i want to end that journey with elation and much more strength!

THis new year, it has started really well.. never had so much craziness in my life.. not sleeping for more than 20 hours! it was rather absurd and all, but it happened.
i think i really had time to think about the year ahead.. and think about what i am going to do about it.
Father, first of all.. I am going to walk in your footsteps. Faithfully.
i'll take your hand, and never let go.

I'll look at my life, with spritual eyes.. God, i know u have a greater plan and you are bigger than any of the forces that come against me as i try to do what's right.
i wanna do the rightest and bestest, for you...

i must conquer this year..
it's not going to be some mindless, blatant comment.
it's gonna be fulfilled. it's gonna be CONQUERED.

"So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
- My Father's promise

Be brave Fiona, and fight!!!

"fight with me, yes.. please fight with me."
"be strong with me, my pillar of strength."

-Fiona's so grateful.

that faith, just like a mustard seed.. is enough
that courage, just an ounce... is sufficient
that strength, just like a shoulder to lean on, is worth it.
that spirit to fight, just like remembering God's promises, works wonders.
that ending, just like God's promise of Heaven, is most fulfilling.

MOVING ON

Resolutions done.
Reflections made.
So am i just gonna walk on from here?
its scary.. trepidation in every step.
Petrifying.
i am not ready, not ready to put on that armour.
How am i going to do so?
Help me.

To look back, and never regret...

Moving On to 007

An ounce of motivation is all i need.
to go to school next year and face that dreadful year of the Big As that is.
Or should i say i need that courage to be exact.

i found myself browsing through the archives of my blog, and discovered that my recent entries were not so much of gratitude as compared to those i wrote in the beginning of the year.

Then i asked myself, "Aren't I grateful any more?"

Truly, things have been rather discouraging of the late (before the retreat).
1. My results
2. My studies
3. How to move on

In fact, above all things, these are the things affecting me tremendously. But, i just do not know how to bring it out or rather i just chose to cast it away for the moment. But the year is ENDING, and i must face them ONCE MORE!

"a peculiar feeling though, gazing at my vicinity from the corridor of my flat, i see greenery, birds, the humongous blue sky that suspends over me. Not only that, but also the lovely fluffy clouds that float like marshmallows or cotton candy. Hey, thinking abt all these, i don't see life useless!
Its crazy how God gives us challenges in our lives, that sometimes, it really is challenging to think only of its beauty. Well, surely, even the most hideous thing has its own charm..
haha well, but the fact is that the earth and its wonderful nature is so beautiful by its own. Captivating and tranquil.
Its actually more sense that we humans are the ones pollute the beautiful earth God created. BEsides, he created nature first, didnt he?
Well, God created us because he loved us. BUt here i am, polluting it with my sins and discontentment.
Lord, father, thank you so much for the blessings you've showered me."

-Quoted from 20 February '06 Post.

i wanna think this way again...
thinking about studies, just sinks my heart.
Why can't i just be grateful and think about the day God allowed me to step into this dream college of mine?
Why can't i just have that mindset to work hard from just there?

"oh well, okay, it's like almost evryday that i get off school around 5 plus.
and its just the never ending tutorials and lectures evryday..
but im glad i am in school.
Somehow, when im tired, i just have to remind myself that I am in Meridian becos God answered my prayer and i can nvr be less thankful."

-Quoted from 30 March '06 Post

I want to have that motivated heart as before.
i want to fight on!
Help me Father, cause i am screaming for you now..
i wanna pull throught next year, feeling victorious.
As much as so much good happened the beginning of this year, now that it it's year end, i am grateful for many things too....

Chronologically...
1. MY PROMOTION.
Indeed, i've not done well, and it was bad. BUt Father, you allowed me to carry on..
Thank You.
Indeed, i've not put in much effort to buck up during the holidays, but i really wanna get that spur of energy and really fight on to do my best and do well!I want to! i MUST! i'm serious.

2. CONFLICTS.
i hated conflicts.
but now, solving them with my brothers and sisters..
it just made me love them.
The feeling of being resolved and coming out feeling as if i am lying on a cloud.
that fluffy and cool feeling.. =)

3. RETREAT.
Well, the retreat made me understand how a FAMILY really is.
And for so long, i didnt actually treat them all as my family.. setting standard for everyone.
But now, i learn so much to love, and to love for their mistakes cos that's what i get back too.
And the heart to heart talks were amazing.
It made me understand haha, brothers much more. And i love them still all the same!

4. SKIT.
This skit, brought us all together.

5. DATES.
Thank you shawn seet for arranging the dates. hee hee.
Dates- christian fellowship as what my mom always defines really allows me to learn to be encouraging and at the same time be encouraged.
And, i really was.
Thank you Elijah.
The walk in the library, discovering that book-"the history of God"(HAHA), the sharing about your life, about God, the way you encourage me and spur me on, the openess, the humility and giving heart, the awesome carl's junior dinner, the yummy wonka bars and wonka's sourlicious candy, that beautiful sunflower, the movie trip, how you patiently explained the movie to me..
oh man, great job. i am so grateful. =D

Lastly, I am grateful Father, that you give me a chance to start another year.. i know it's gonna be tough, but isnt it a new beginning? a new chance, new resolutions.
Like what lubin says," The first day of the rest of your life."
it really would be the first, the genesis of the rest of my life as 07 sparks off.

It will be amazing.

*this is to Jacinda, and EJ at e moment who complained that they'll dread the coming of school term. and to all who feels the same..

RockIt~

it's gonna be a fairly long post i guess....

it all started with uncertainty and reluctance.
1. arrival at woodlands MRT

i see the familiar faces, but my heart just didn't tell me to smile and be happy.
i greeted them all. it was sweet with all the good mornings and hugs.
my mood was lifted slightly.
The bus ride was fun and funny and the journey was a breeze, not much encounters to be exact just plain ol' fun.
But, the pit of my heart was still soiled.
i would say, it was a premonition of impending conflicts and unhappiness.
i was charged NEGATIVE (-)

2. Finally at Garden City estate.
Charming!
i was in love with the place.

3. Down to the field for games.
before that, we were sorted into groups.
Martin, Fiona, Lorinda, Erica, Sharon, Benjamin and Brian.
Yay~
here's our cheer:
" Flinstones, we're the Flinstones. We're the happy rocking family. Come out! try and smash us! We will blast you all to smithereens!"
by the way, it was COMPOSED.
and by the way, we were called FLINSTONES! lol
the games were awesome, how awesome?
just try stuffing biscuits in ur mouth and reciting tongue twisters at the same time. haha
tt stupidity was fun.
Then we had water games.. and some awesome game in which you had to put your nose, even ears on the ground..! It was hilarious seeing everyone desperately wanting to win..

3. Next day was A famosa.
How fun can it get but more water fun!
woo~ a BLAST! indeed. =)
i floated around... slid around.. and swam around.. haha.

At this point.. my heart was still soiled i guess.... but i casted it away. I gulped more water, and suppressed it.

4. Old folks home and evangelism.
The most enlightening day.
never thought i would get so emotional looking at the elderly, feeling tt moment of longing and sadness. farewell, couldnt be tt bad. but it was. especially, at the thought of not being able to return there. byebye ah ma!~

but yet, on this day...
tt supression was detected.. and i had to sort my feelings out.
it was emotional.
but it was awesome.
it was like quenching my thirst after being in the desert for months.

5.The parting.
bye melaka..
it was all a memory now..
but all in all, just one word. AWESOME.
if u ask me, how did it go?
i would answer: AMAZING.
the best fun.. and the most enlightening.
i was touched.. i was cut.. and i was refreshed.

and what's more? the next day was my spiritual birthday just after retreat!
my yr, was summed up so well.
so much lessons learnt and having grown so much.
i look back, ready to march forward.
Let's go father!

LEt's move on to yesterday... or even the journey back home.
fiona has been pondering about her second year as a christian, with an anarchy of emotions about this beautiful day.
but thn, it was a pleasant surprise...
truly.
thanks for the sharing on the bus.
really thanks all of you.
i am just so GRATEFUL. so so GRATEFUL.

i thot that was enough.. really enough.
till yesterday.
it was greater surprise..
well, all... it's okay it didnt really turn out a surprise.. but what's more was all of you, being there.
it was a great time.
and it was like family.
our family, although not connected by blood..
is bound by us, with a common goal.. walking tt common path- up to heaven.
and i realised how valuable it is, to be with all of you.
That its not just a company..
but a connection.. and bond..
it's one love.
ok, not to make me emotional anymore.
but it was just the best thing tt has happened. truly, the best.
and it's truly enough!

ok... something really nice, that keeps me going on is this song:

King of my life, i crown thee now, thine shall the glory be;
lest i forget thy thorn-crowned brow, lead me to calvary.

Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.

Show me the tomb where thou wast laid, tenderly mourned and wept;
Angels in robes of light arrayed, guarded thee whilst thou slept.

Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.

Let me like mary through the gloom, Come with a gift to thee;
Show to me now the empty tomb, lead me to calvary.

Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.

May i be willing, lord, to bear daily my cross for thee;
even thy cup of grief to share, thou hast borne all for me.

Lest i forget Gethsemene; lest i forget thine agony.
Lest i forget thy love for me, lead me to calvary.

"father, if anytime i forget your love, your suffering, my salvation... lead me to the cross."

love, Fiona

The year ends soon...

someone pinch me.
i can't believe my whatever.
the year is just ending.
and we all begin again. 2007.
it scares me.
i know it's not even december, but im feeling it already. the feeling's somewhat foreboding.
i wish it would not come.
but it's nature, to move forward isnt it?
no one grows from old to young. that would be absurd.

but anyway..
Uncle takeshi was amazing.
and i look up to him.
What he said, made me deeply consider how i want my life ahead to be.

What is my conviction?
i just gotta know. it has to be obvious.
What is being grateful?
i really gotta learn to appreciate people.

things have been bugging me lately. be it personally, relationships, sprituality, and my life ahead.
everything somehow affects me lately as i become much unoccupied..
but i set my heart, to mke the best out of evrything.
and it's true how it can be so difficult to deny myself, to focus on what's most important..

well, on thursday, i'll be off to melaka for 4 days.
and, i wanna mke sure, i return refreshed leaving great memories behind and of cos, fufilled.
well, this trip to melaka, is certainly not just a holiday trip but my very own teens retreat and mission trip.
it's God's plan, it's awesome.
It's my father, using me, to mke a difference.
And, i knw.. i gotta be humble.
but hey! im looking forward to it! i really am!~ =D

"well done, good and faithful servant!"

Xin Long

Well, i would like to share something that touched my heart so much, some time ago.

A boy, or should i say, a young man, called Xin Long.
On that day, Larre instructed,"Fiona, just look out for Xin Long", pointing at his name on the list.
i nodded. rather chirpy at that moment as i couldn't wait to see him.
i ran into the classroom, every child in there was wheelchair bound, all struck with a particular illness- Cerebral Palsy.
Well, some are still able to walk, even utter a few sounds while others just stay buckled on the chairs in an awkward position staring into blank space.
I searched for Xin long, calling out for him, at the same time hoping that he would be one that suffered from mild cerebral palsy so at least it won't be too hard for me to handle, but i guess i was wrong...

There was Xin Long, all scrawny and pale, his bones protruded beneath his skin. He looked like a man, at least my age, no doubt.. but he whinned like a baby, he couldn't even utter a decent word. All he did was groan, grunt, snort and produced burping sounds, but it was natural for him. i was flabbergasted. so, i asked his helper his age, his condition- he was 18 and he suffered from rather severe cerebral palsy. my heart cried for him when i heard that.

As i fed him his tea, i had to tear a small part of the bread, dip it into milo, before putting it into his mouth as he couldn't chew at all. My hands trembled, really, they did. He felt like a glass figurine, too delicate to even stroke lest he might break. That was him.

He wore diapers, not to scare you. And he drools, constantly. And, that really was him. is he human? or a man at all? YES! YES! but his behaviour.....?

well, it certainly looked frightening, or in other words, abnormal.
but my heart, literally melted for him.
i played with him, i danced with him.
i sang for him, he smiled.
to this person, is everything i would do to a kid, in fact, even more.

at the end of the day, he sulked when i left, and his form of showing gratitude was a wide smile, baring all his teeth and his eyes could not be seen at all.
it was just sweet.
i would almost fall in love with him!
who cares about what he is?
but he feels! and that is what matters!

i miss him.
That boy, Xin Long.

well, i guess God created him, to make me realise, how love can be so unconditional, and the position of leading a life so different that it could be even hard to love. Xin Long, he humbled me. He showed me purity, helplessness and the battle of fighting to live. Amazing.

OVER

phew.~ a sigh of relief.
its OVER. all DONE.

but well,
my computer's down.
so i'm actually blogging on my school library's computer.
it's relief.. but stress still.

my project work...
oh man..

my CCA for school open house....
it just kills me with all thats going on now.

someone, give me a bubble bath now.
i need a bathtub with some aromatherapy soap beads.
filled up with warm water.
and i am gonna soak myself in this warm revelry for hours!

a SPA should do fine.

or a massage?

just something to loosen my skin is all i need.
my eye bags have not vanished and i still look bruised on the eye.
perhaps its the trepidation about the results..
i pray really hard!!!

anyway, i still tread along this road of life..
really walking on with faith..

p.s. if anyone has knowledge about the Arts, with some inspiration about how we can sustain it.. please, DO TELL ME!!!! =) zillions of thanks from here.

S.C.R.E.W.E.D

" I am so SCREWED."
that's what jun zhi said to mutter when i fail to keep up.
hypnotism or not, indeed, Fiona's SCREWED.
the days left can be counted by my bare hands.
it brings trepidation to my soul.


UNCERTAINTY. ANXIETY. FEAR. TREPIDATION. JITTERY. WORRY. AIMLESSNESS. DISTRESS. WEARINESS. STRESS. RUIN. DESPAIR. - are all in the list of my commonly used words. these is just a meagre portion.


Aragorn said,"I see in your eyes, the same fear that would take the heart of me.... A day may come when the courage of men fail, and we break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day.... This day, we FIGHT!"
-Words of a hero.

why not see words from my King:

"Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong."

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

ive been studying. sitting on the chair, changing my posture now and then.. eyes fixed on my sheets of paper.
but i feel like a snail.
so worn out, and so slow.
but unlike a snail, i dread my pace. ( i am sure a snail enjoys being slow, personal contentment isnt it)

Father, bring me through... for i only seek your help.
you are my armour, my all.
Fiona, be strong and courageous.

QUIT IT.

" I want you to know, you are rude and you are self righteous. It's good to be zealous but not cynical if you think that person is wrong. Go and think about it."

so thats me.
all because i told you abt not eating the chocolate in YOUR fridge.
i will say no more.

if thats what you think about me.

OK.
i'll relent. i will.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


its smouldering.
she feels as if she was sucked into a vacuum sack.
days are shorter for her.
she could cry a sackful of tears.
no clothe could sustain the hot tears that trickle down.
cos they burn.
rip her own hair off. yes, deprivation to this extent.
but she has got to continue.

persevere on, even at the last breathe. win.

HELP

O someone, help!
There is no time to lose, and up the mountain i must climb.
But i see no where, just an empty road.
I try, but i am walking with no avail.
I've not met the enemy,
I've not reached the destination.
But every step i take,
it is just nearer.
But am i at all equipped? am i at all prepared?
O dear God, help me.
in distress i walk,
so weak, so lost...
its a battle i must win.
But i don't seem an inch more courageous
nor prepared.
I MUST CONQUER!

help.

just barely 18 days. and it's the promos.
it was not but 30 days i thought. and now with the blink of my eye.. im down to 18!
and only 18!
Its not good... an ominous sign, foreboding.
but its victory i must clinch. It has got to be victory!!

Fight on Fiona, fight hard.. fight hard with your Armour.

free

Captured.
but innocent and pure;
clean.
your white feathers,
never stained.
even through the roughest weathers.

they caught you,
barred from freedom.
they cut you,
your blood dripped into a bowl.
Dry,
you bled.

you were forsaken,
and I,
gloriously soaked in your agony- your stain.
That i,
emerged clean and renewed,
Red.

Free to fly,
a new dressing, a new coat.
With redness so pure,
That cleansed a germ like me.
I fly away.
Grateful.

just suddenly inspired to write one.. not perfect, but just a penny for my thoughts.
perhaps this is a dedication to EJ, one who is renewed.
Here, its for you.. :) a penny for your thoughts too.
How awesome it is, to fly away, red in His blood. That we all fly together, completely drenched in blood so red, but so free.
go TEENS!~ ahaha
oh anyway, i bid xavier goodbye as he is off to be a "better man". oh man , just wish him really the best and so much best wishes. I guess it's a part and parcel of life.. where we often bid goodbyes and say our hellos. ooh well.....

and yes, so much for studying this week.. today wasnt the best.. in fact, it was bad.. didnt do much at all.. but hey, im glad there is always a tomorrow.. *OPTIMISM* i guess that's how God gives us second chances huh. Having one day a week sure would be depressing.if that would be so, that one day surely would have to be SUNDAY! haha, oh man.. enough of dreaming....

Thank you Father, that i am the sheep of your pasture.

be yourself day

sometimes, it's really good to change your mind, cos you would never knw how much fun you'll receive...

wooo hoo~ it's BE YOURSELF DAY today. what i enjoy most, is perhaps, ONLY the photo taking session. lots of dances, singing and jamming there were.. but my legs were just numbed by the sheer fact tt i had to sit through out the whole concert on e floor in such an awkward position!
but oooh well, still.. look at our smile.. ;D my beloved PW group. ARTS man ARTs! look at our rtistic talents. we just have tt artistic flair don't we?


It's just amazing how i just decided to spend my morning in college today instead of waking up late. and i sincerely apologise to kiats tt i forgot to inform her abt my attendance. oh anyway..
it was a blast... such great humour too seeing every one dress up so flamboyantly.
it was awesome going back to secondary school too.. seeing all my lovely teachers.. and indeed it's surprising to see all my old mates. it just makes my heart squeal. lol. weird word to use. but i mean. really, tts how it was.
oh well, i think that's all for the fun i ought to have. and fun ends today. It's charging into the battlefield now. and it's sending jitters down my spine. well, its not tt scary and chilly, but.. just intimidating. i wanna promote! oooh man... i knw it's all abt HARD WORK and DISCIPLINE. just gotta etch tt in my mind.
alright... so a brand new day shall start, and the sun will shine out the clearer..
Father, take my hand, and.. ChArgEEe!





that's all folks! tAa~

some misery

it was all but a normal night. nothing different but just routines to attend to. She was happy, because it was friday. Friday just meant an end to five days of school and work. Friday was just brilliant.

On the car, just streaming through the empty streets of gray, passing by arrays of street lamps. Mother was driving and She took the front seat. Just ordinary conversations were exchanged. However, the conversations from ordinary ones, gradually turned intense. From an amplitude of any other kind of talking, it turned into shoutings and screamings of harshness and indignance. Both parties were vindicated, just competing to win the argument. Her mother was loud, she would never win, the verbal onslaught was just smothering.

tears, just tears trickled down her eyes. helpless, but still trying to fight back, but perhaps silence was a better tool. Indeed she made a wrong choice.. she snapped back, still crying.

Even at the doorstep, it didnt stop, perhaps the whole neighbourhood awoke from their revelries. She decided to shut up, she was losing the verbal war. almost beaten. But another word from mother, she couldnt help but answer. But unknowingly, it was the last straw for mother. the very LAST.

Her bag, the books on the table, the files came flying across her face, they were thrusted at the target, being only HER. It didnt hurt on the skin, perhaps just slightly. But internal emotions were evoked. Appalled, and unanswerable.

She cried the entire night, she prayed.
Hoping for a solution.
She wrote a letter, slipped it under mother's door.
Just wishing, this would turn out better, wishing she could be heard just a bit.
The next morning, her eyes were swollen.
It was hideous, a mark of hurt.. and uncontrolled feelings.
As much as this sounded pitiful,
she knew, God was disappointed even more.

"i wouldnt let the sun go down in anger."

TWAD

look at our work of art. =)


it was through days of sweat, brain racking, time and innovation.
in the end- it was SUCCESS! =)
it was worth it.
seeing our workers beam with joy, some even shedded tears of elation, perhaps with a tinge of feeling moved.
the games were awesome, the skit was awesome, the awards were awesome, the song was awesome, and the FOOD was scrumptuous! what do u expect? its korean food!

the food is more thn what meets the eye.
thanks to some brilliant parents- auntie choi, and sharon's parents. =)






T.W.A.D- teen workers' appreciation day.
it was e best.
it was e first time in my teen ministry life tt i actually appreciated my beloved workers, who unrequitedly gave their best.
i wanna be like them.
the most serving, the most loving, and the most truthful.
but i thank the teens, for helping me make it all possible.
indeed, our rewards are e smiles we see on our discipler's face.
thanks for e time, and the effort.
my next post will be dedicated to thanking each and evryone of u. :)
i promise!
;D
well, realli, it was awesome.


mighty efforts. we are one!~

saying hi

seeing this, just makes me laugh. there are more.. definitely.
and the spastic moments, seem glorious with her.
we tke pride in our actions, it is our forte- for they all mean something.
it somehow becomes how we are, feeling so comfortable with it, being so-- sophisticatedly retarded?
but i don't care, neither do i mind.
cos she walks with me to heaven.





not one, neither 2 nor 3.. but 4 of us.
we laugh..
we pose...
actions are funny...
but i, not a least bit think it's unglamourous or dumb.
pry into whats inside.
its e friendship, the fun embraced TOGETHER.
the one in black, QUEEN of Aunties u can call her.
the girl behind.. just say she 's almost one.
see whats beside? 2 spastic maidservants!!!



here, picture perfect, thats what i call.
we smile, yes..
but we cry together too.
this is love, where we care for whats inside, nth else.
where joy overflows...
with the essence of what we call sisterhood.
if life is gonna be tough, i fret not!
the four of them, they do not push me...
they take my hand, they listen, and through the swarmy marshes and pebbled paths, we look out, for one another.


if it's all but a life i lead.. it ain't easy.
when i look up, almost opening my mouth to voice a complaint, i picture God among e heavens, i shut my mouth.
when i look down, i see my feet. "yes, i can walk, run.. even cycle!"
my left, my right, around me- my love ones, my friends--- GOD'S CREATION.
i look up again, " thank you Father, for i am blessed".
i smile, i move on.
Fiona, don't despair, do not be troubled!
if it's all but a life i lead, it leads me to heaven.
not alone.
=D

i'm blessed. to conquer the PROMOS.

no!

so i unwrapped the dressing on my chin.....

aHhhhh!~ part of it seemed to have split! NOoo!!!
nNOOOOoooOOOO!
nononononoNONONonononoNONO!






i hope it'll be fine. :/